My Blog

To be a good friend, a best friend. it means to be there for that
person and help them find their happiness. But what do you do when you
find that you’ve fallen for him? I call him Wind.

We started off being friends, started being closer as I found out he
liked a friend of mine who was a lesbian. I warned him and i see him
think about her all the time and i can only pretend i don’t care and
laugh at his stupidity.It aggravated me even more when i found out that
my lesbian friend was playing with his feelings. I kept telling myself
I’m only annoyed because i didn’t want to be stuck in the middle of
these situations.

When my 2 year relationship with the man i thought i could spend my
life with ended, i was lost. I spent the days and weeks immersed in
depression and every time the guys took me out, i would try to drown
myself in alcohol, hoping the memories would fade away. It was him,
this best friend and 2 good friends who vowed to stand by me no matter
what happens. One of my good friend is named Light, he was like a
little brother to me, i always suspected he liked me more than a sister
but never gave much thought to it - or more likely that i didn’t want
to give thought to it. There was another named Earth, he always kept me
on the ground. He too was my best friend. One i am glad to have until i
found out that he liked me as well. I had to pretend i didn’t know and
just let things go with the flow.

As time passed, Wind and I got closer than ever. We would always
message and talk on the phone. Its unbelievable that i can spent 8
hours outside with the whole bunch of them and get home and still be
able to be on the phone fore 3 hours. We would talk about random things
and he could always make me laugh. When i was really upset and ran away
from home, i seek shelter at his place, nothing happened with our
friendship except that we always shared secrets and personal jokes. Our
bunch of friends could rarely understand what we were talking and
laughing about.

Every once in a while, he would hold my hand - while 3 of us and a
puppy had to cramp ourselves on the couch, while he was tipsy in the
car, after we’ve had a long night of going out. It never came across to
my mind as anything - as far as i knew, he didn’t see me as anything
special. Even though it wasn’t much for him, the thought of him always
managed to make me smile.

One day, when I was in the car with Blue, my phone continuously rang
from people bombarding me with messages and one of them being Wind.
Blue commented that Wind likes me and for a moment, my heart stopped. I
denied the fact and i could hear hurt in his voice. Earth once told me
that Blue might like me too. I kept pretending i didn’t know what he
meant. At that time i thought… it couldn’t be could it?

From then, it seemed as though my relationship with Wind was a secret
affair. What was funny about the whole situation was that I am the only
girl in the group. These guys don’t see me as much of a girl and each
and every one of the guys get asked if i am their girlfriend. That
added to the complexity cause we would always joke about it and i
didn’t know what to think. He would always make jokes about me and I’d
always whinge about it asking him why he was so mean… and he said to
me “because you are my best friend”. and i knew what i was to him.

I always thought there might be a slightest chance that one day he
would fall for me too but it seemed he wasn’t as angelic as i made him
out to be. We both know a girl that he used to like, until he found out
she had a boyfriend. He stopped liking her - he would constantly talk
to me about his thoughts and secrets and opinions - but once he found
out she broke up with her boyfriend - i was pushed back in to the
darkness. I was only ever a support system… a support to keep him
less lonely. I must admit i am angry, angry for what he treats me as…
but then i remember… we are best friends… Best Friends.. I will
always just be a Best Friend.